Introduction
Do you suffer from trauma from either your delivery or after your baby spent time in the NICU? Have you brushed off symptoms of trauma or PTSD because your baby only spent a few days in the NICU or because you minimize your personal experience since you feel that it wasn’t nearly as significant as someone else’s journey.
Trauma is the result from an upsetting experience. That is it. It results from any experience that is disturbing and overwhelms your ability to cope. There is not a definitive scope that defines trauma.
I personally used to minimize my trauma from my stressful pregnancy, our son’s emergent delivery, and his time in the NICU because despite his severely premature delivery, we were able to bring him home and he was healthy.
How could that be traumatic when so many other NICU parents were unable to bring their babies home or their children had such complex medical needs? Why was I struggling on certain days at home or professionally when I had such an amazing blessing and miracle right in front of me? We made it through – what was wrong with me?!? Or I’d brush off my subsequent losses after William because we were so blessed to have William and I should just be thankful, right?
But, I have learned and continue to learn that no one else can define my trauma, just as I cannot define yours. If your experience was less than ideal, that can stick with you and affect you for years to come if it is not dealt with appropriately.
Jessica, a mother of 33 weeks twins and I discussed just that on a recent Instagram live. Jessica’s boys spent 18 days in the NICU and although they did not have any major setbacks, the experience was difficult for Jessica. The anticipated delivery of her boys, the immediate time thereafter, their NICU admission and her inability to bring them home right away did not go as she had hoped and that still haunts her 18 months later.
During our chat, as we were discussing my grief and some of the PTSD symptoms I have personally experienced, Jessica and I both gained new knowledge and an even greater appreciation for NICU trauma, grief, and PTSD from each other.
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Is your baby currently in the NICU? Was your baby born prematurely? Or is your term baby in the NICU for high jaundice levels, low blood sugars, or because they have some Respiratory Distress and need oxygen or additional support?
Are you wondering what in the heck is a small baby unit or kangaroo care? Why do NICUs use donor breast milk and what on earth does RDS, BPD, IVH, NEC, ETT, CPAP, HFNC, UVC, UAC, po, ng, NEC, ABG, CBG, CBC, and CMP stand for? Are you asking yourself how will we ever get through this, what questions should I even ask, and when will my baby come home?
If you are a NICU parent who is scared, nervous, unsure, and full of questions, then hit the subscribe button so you do not miss another show!
Welcome to the “Empowering NICU Parents Podcast” where we will answer ALL of these questions and SO MUCH more! Your host, Nicole Nyberg is a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner with years of NICU experience – but she also brings her unique perspective to this podcast as a mother of a 23-weeker.
Along with sharing answers to the NICU medical questions you have, Nicole addresses and supports you through the incredibly difficult emotional struggles that only a NICU parent can understand.
She provides you with knowledge plus tangible tips to guide, educate, empower, and support you through your baby’s NICU journey and once they are home. Tune in to hear from someone who knows exactly what you’re going through, another NICU Mama.
Check out all of our show notes and additional information at empoweringnicuparents.com
To start 2024 out, our first episode focuses on marijuana use, its impact on pregnancy, the growing fetus and the child’s future development, as well as the implications of its use during breastfeeding.
Who would have thought that in 2024, we would be living in a time where marijuana use is so prominent and that it would be legal in 24 states as of January of 2024?!?
But, nonetheless, here we are! Because marijuana has been legalized in so many states, there are now false evolving perceptions on its general safety as well as its implications on the developing fetus and infant who are exposed to it either in utero or through breastmilk. In general, the perception of harm from marijuana is decreasing while the potency of marijuana is scarily increasing. Marijuana is the most widely used illegal drug during pregnancy in the United States. And, its use in gaining speed amongst all adult age groups, in both sexes, and in pregnant women.
For our 56th episode, I reviewed the most up-to-date literature and will share the findings from several studies that reveal both short and long-term negative effects on the pregnant mother and developing fetus if used during pregnancy, and its future implications on the growing infant, child, and their transition into the teenage years, and as an adult after prenatal exposure. I will also point out the general concentration of marijuana in breast milk if used by a nursing mother, as well as how long it stays in the breast milk, and how it may impact the exposed infant.
This episode is packed full of useful information and will be ideal for any healthcare worker or for family members and friends who care about a pregnant woman or nursing mother who is currently using marijuana and want to ensure that she is fully educated on the implications of its use on her growing fetus or infant. And last, but actually, the most important, I encourage ALL women who are either considering becoming pregnant or who are currently pregnant and use marijuana on a regular basis, to listen.
Although marijuana use is so prevelant, it is so crucial that we fully understand its potential impact on the fetus and the child’s future development if used during pregnancy and while breastfeeding.
You will not want to miss this one!
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NICU Trauma – How Well Are You Coping?
Episode 21
Meet Our Guest, Jessica
Jessica’s Story
Jessica and her husband live in California and are the beloved parents of Finn and Eli. After struggling through years of infertility, she became pregnant with twins. She loved being pregnant and overall it was without complications until she was placed on bedrest at 29 weeks for presumptive preterm labor. At 33 5/7 weeks, she went into spontaneous labor that quickly progressed. She naturally delivered her twin boys, they were stabilized then quickly whisked off to the NICU before she was able to hold them.
Finn, weighed 3 lb. 9 oz. suffered from intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) and Eli weighed 4 lb. 5 oz. The boys were placed on CPAP and admitted to the NICU. Jessica, who had been determined for her boys to avoid a NICU admission altogether was completely shocked when her babies were taken away so suddenly without her being able to barely see them or hold them after delivery.
The first time she was able to visit Finn and Eli in the NICU, they were already hooked up to their CPAP and all of the necessary equipment. She was shocked to see them like that for the very first time.
The loss of an idealistic vision
Parents, especially mothers often have an idealistic vision of their pregnancy, the delivery process, and that beautiful moment once the baby is delivered and placed on their chest. But, in an instant, our idealistic vision can quickly become stripped away from us. It not only is hard for us to accept what has occurred at that time, but it may bother us years later. Jessica states that it still haunts her that she was unable to hold her babies after the delivery.
Jessica feels that she would have been more equipped or prepared to handle her inability to hold her babies if she had been informed it was a possibility. After seeing other friends and family members holding their babies immediately post-delivery, she has a sinking feeling that she did not get the opportunity to experience it.
Finn and Eli’s time in the NICU
Jessica and her husband were actively involved in the boys’ cares very early on. Although initially she was fearful that should could possibly harm them or knock their CPAP off during kangaroo care, it became part of their daily routine. She and her husband spent on average 8 hours a day in the NICU with the boys and were very pleased with the care they received.
Once it became close to their discharge date, Jessica pushed for Eli and Finn to be discharged on the same day. Despite being cautious early on, after time, she felt very comfortable caring for the boys and was ready to have them home, together. Jessica was able to successfully breastfeed the boys at home and it was their preferred method for feeding. The boys thrived at home and not only consistently gained weight, but even more so than what they had at the hospital.
Finn and Eli overall did well in the NICU without any major setbacks, but it was still difficult for Jessica and her husband. Other than her inability to hold the boys after delivery, she also felt initially that she lost her motherhood. The drive back and forth between their home and the hospital without the boys with them was very difficult. Although she knew that the NICU was the best place for the boys to grow and get the care they needed, she felt that she was unable to take care of her babies.
Once Finn and Eli had their CPAP removed, they were able to regularly bathe the boys and feed them. Although initially scary, she felt like those moments made her finally feel like a parent since she could contribute to their care.
NICU Trauma
Jessica also spoke about the additional NICU trauma she experienced. The first time Jessica went to see her boys for the first time in the NICU, she was so shocked by their size and all of the equipment attached to them. She also really had a hard time leaving them each night and felt as though she was leaving her whole heart behind.
We discussed how she has yet to leave the boys with anyone other than her husband and presumed that was just her personality. I explained that it can also be a sign of trauma that I personally have needed to work through. I continue to experience an irrational fear of something terrible happening to William which is common among NICU mothers.
Jessica also shared that her boys were able to be discharged home on the same day, which is quite uncommon for most twins or multiples. For NICU parents to have to leave a baby or babies behind while they take one home is very difficult and traumatic.
Jessica overall feels that her trauma from the time the twins spent in the NICU was alleviated once she brought them home. But, she also recognizes that she may not be fully versed in some of the common signs of trauma.
For me, a large portion of my trauma was not apparent until years after our son’s NICU journey. After speaking with professionals and my own personal therapist, I continue to learn and identify some of my own symptoms of trauma and PTSD.
Anese Barnett, a perinatal mental health therapist and I previously discussed maternal mental health and NICU trauma in Episode 12 and Episode 13, Supporting Maternal Mental Health in the NICU – Are we Doing Enough? She helped me recognize that some of my memory loss in William’s early years may be due to trauma and that if trauma is not actively dealt with, it may result in physical ailments as well.
How to deal with NICU trauma
Jessica and I discussed our personal ways that we try to deal with our trauma. We both agree that it is an evolving and personal process of not only identifying some of the signs of our trauma, but also in the way we deal with it. Jessica and I have both found writing to be therapeutic as well as focusing on the positive aspects of having premature infants.
By focusing on the positive, it helps to counteract some of the sadness from the choices that we feel were taken from us. Although our pregnancies were both abruptly cut short, we feel blessed to have been given extra weeks with our babies. We also agree that although it may have been scary, it was amazing to see our babies so small, yet incredibly strong and resilient. And even if we felt that our delivery or the fact that our babies had to spend time in the NICU was far from ideal, it is a part of their story and has helped to shape them into who they are today. There is also such a beauty in our ability to admire our children and to relish in how far they have come.
It’s okay to ask for help
I also encourage NICU parents or those who have been through a traumatic experience to be mindful of subtle symptoms. You may not realize it, but you may still be suffering from trauma and possibly PTSD. For me, it was when I noticed that I was not being my best self. Basically, I was struggling personally and professionally. Not that I was not functioning in my roles, but I knew that I could and should make my mental health a top priority so I could be in a better place for myself and my family. It was then that I decided to talk to a therapist.
I personally ignored the subtle signs and could not admit that I would benefit from professional assistance for a long time. Now that I regularly see my therapist, I wish I had gone much sooner. I encourage anyone who has been through a traumatic experience, to find a professional therapist.
Closing
Isn’t it interesting how an idealistic experience that you fully anticipated to be full of joy can suddenly change course and end up causing trauma? Have you found yourself not feeling quite right and attempting to brush it off, but it just isn’t getting any better?
I hope after listening to Jessica and I that you have learned that trauma may look different for everyone. Although you may either be in survival mode and not recognize the symptoms, or if you are minimizing your experience as many of us do, I hope that you can now appreciate that you may be experiencing either trauma or PTSD as well. Trauma is often not recognizable until years later. You may be experiencing several symptoms of trauma, whether they are psychological or physical ailments and have been completely unaware that they are symptoms of trauma.
If so, our goal was to bring awareness to the high likelihood that you may be experiencing trauma after having a baby who spent any amount of time in the NICU. First and foremost, we want you to know that you are not alone in your experience. And most importantly, if you have noticed that you are not being your best self either personally, socially, or professionally, I strongly encourage you to find a therapist. It’s okay to not be okay after what you’ve been through. Please make your mental well-being a top priority and find someone to talk to so you can be at your best for your child and family.
Please consider sharing this episode and our podcast with anyone who would gain some value from it!
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