Introduction
April marks National Multiple Birth Awareness Month, a time to shed light on the journey of families blessed with multiples. While multiple births are relatively rare, occurring in 31.2 out of 1000 live births, they continue to captivate many with their unique stories. In honor of this awareness month, we’re excited to introduce Deidre, a remarkable mom of one-year-old fraternal twins, as our special guest.
But Deidre isn’t just any guest—she’s also our newest team member at Empowering NICU Parents, bringing over 12 years of marketing and PR expertise to our community. Her personal journey, from grappling with unexplained infertility to navigating the emotional rollercoaster of a twin pregnancy and the NICU, is both inspiring and enlightening.
Join us as we delve into Deidre’s story and discuss the importance of supporting families facing infertility, multiple pregnancies, and the NICU journey. With statistics showing that 76.2% of triplets and 23.6% of twins require intensive care after birth, this episode promises to be both informative and empowering.
Episode Sponsors:
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Our NICU Roadmap
Our NICU Roadmap is the only NICU journal parents will need. Our journal is a great resource for NICU parents with educational content, answers to many of their questions, a full glossary plus specific areas to document their baby’s progress each day while in the NICU. Our NICU Roadmap equips parents with questions to ask their baby’s care team each day as well as a designated place to keep track of their baby’s weight, lab values, respiratory settings, feedings, and the plan of care each day. Most importantly, Our NICU Roadmap guides parents and empowers them so they can confidently become and remain an active member of their baby’s care team.
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Episode 59
Our Guest
Deidre Mares, Marketing Manager
Deidre is our newest member of the Empowering NICU Parents team! With 12+ years’ of experience working in marketing and public relations for consumer brands, she is currently acting as our Marketing Manager.
Deidre holds a Bachelor’s degree from San Diego State University in Journalism with an emphasis in Public Relations. She lives in Southern California with her husband and 1 yr. old twins who spent 25 days in a level 3 NICU facility. Having experienced a distressing preterm birth at 34 weeks and now navigating life as a former NICU parent, she is especially passionate about empowering and educating other NICU families.
Summary of Episode
In this episode, we cover:
- Deidre’s journey to starting a family and becoming pregnant with twins.
- Her experiences being pregnant with multiples and insights for expectant moms.
- The emotional rollercoaster of the NICU and what it was like for Deidre and her family.
- Advice and words of encouragement for expectant moms of multiples and those navigating the NICU journey.
- An update on where Deidre is today with her postpartum journey and how the twins are doing at one year old.
The Journey to Starting Their Family with Unexplained Infertility
Deidre and her husband were ready to start a family, but they had experienced one year of negative pregnancy tests. They saw a fertility specialist to see if there was infertility on either side. The standard practice for the clinic was to first test her AMH levels and the number of follicles. It was determined that Deidre’s AMH levels and follicle count were both below average for her age. She was 32 years old at the time. Deidre’s husband’s fertility tests came back normal.
Once they had that information, Deidre was determined to continue testing to find a treatment that would increase her chances of being able to start a family. They informed her about tubal flushing, which can improve fertility in the first 3-6 months following the dye injections in most cases. She had the procedure done and unfortunately, the test showed that her fallopian tubes were not blocked, leaving her with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility.
They had been trying to start a family for over a year and a half at that point and were still not pregnant. The diagnosis crushed Deidre and added stress on her husband and their relationship. Deidre shares that being the partner to someone who is going through infertility is emotionally challenging.
They were encouraged to try intrauterine insemination (IUI) although they were warned that it can often take several cycles for it to be successful. But, their providers suggested that IUI in combination with fertility medication would increase their chances of the procedure being successful. Deidre said she was definitely willing to try it.
In August 2022, they scheduled the IUI procedure which they assisted with Clomid, a fertility medication that helps the woman’s body produce more eggs. She also had an Ovidrel injection which helped to trigger the eggs to have a growth spurt. Deidre said that she honestly did not take the risk of having a multiple birth pregnancy seriously. She recalls the IUI procedure being very quick and painless.
Two weeks after the procedure, they received a call that she was pregnant!!! But, they also noted that her HCG levels were much higher than normal. Two weeks later, she had their first ultrasound. Deidre remembers that day very clearly as her husband gasped when he saw the screen. Deidre’s immediate instinct was to ask “Is It Twins!?” The tech responded by congratulating them as she showed the screen to them that read “Baby A” and “Baby B.”
Deidre’s pregnancy
Deidre shares that her pregnancy felt very normal and easy for the first six months. She did begin to struggle with sleeping and getting comfortable in the latter months of the pregnancy.
Deidre advises that families should get a variety of pregnancy pillows because what was comfortable for her one day, was not the next. She also encourages families to invest in a wide recliner. She loved napping in their chair and was also able to hold both babies comfortably once they were home.
She was eventually encouraged to stay on bedrest for the final month of the pregnancy. Around the same time, Deidre’s perinatologist started to note that Baby B’s growth had slowed. He diagnosed Baby B with intrauterine growth restrictions (IUGR). During the 33rd week of her pregnancy, the doctor admitted Deidre for observation. They have her steroids preemptively in case her providers felt the need to induce labor early. The medical team was concerned about Baby B’s decreased placental blood flow. Deidre stayed in the hospital for three days and was discharged once they felt Baby B was doing okay.
The Delivery
Deidre was discharged on a Monday and by that Thursday it was time for her next appointment at 34 weeks. Within minutes of that appointment, she recalls the doctor pausing during the ultrasound and instructing them to meet him in his office. In that moment, she completely feared the worst. She was concerned that the hospital discharged her too soon and was terrified that they had lost Baby B’s heartbeat.
The doctor proceeded to tell them that the babies needed to be delivered within the next 24 hours because Baby B was now showing severe IUGR consistent with chronic placental insufficiency, meaning that the placenta was not transferring enough blood, oxygen and nutrients to growth or survive if they waited much longer.
She was readmitted to the hospital at 12:00 pm and they anticipated that the delivery would be the following day. However, Deidre’s obstetrician had planned to head out of town, so she came in that day to delivery the twins herself. Their timeline for the delivery was quickly pushed up from 24 Hours to 3 hours after they checked in. They opted to not share the update with anyone so they could experience a stress free, calm delivery. Deidre recalls the operating room filling up very quickly with a delivery and NICU team for each baby.
Deidre advises couples to ask if their partner is able to escort the baby or babies to the NICU. She appreciated that the staff at the hospital proactively coordinated that with her husband. She was comforted knowing that he would be with them after the delivery.
Within 30 minutes, via cesarean section, Baby A was born and was a boy that they named Roman. He weighed 4 lbs. 13 oz. and 2 minutes later came Baby B, their IUGR baby was a girl that they named Reign who weighed 2 lbs. 11 oz.
NICU Admission
Deidre did not necessarily expect for the babies to need to go to the NICU quickly. So when her babies were born, she got a quick glance at them, and missed out on the traditional skin-to-skin contact and the beautiful 1st look photos with the on her chest. Deidre’s husband quickly held each baby over her for a quick photo. They were not allowed to bring them close to her or look at them long enough to even see what they looked like.
Reign was transferred to the NICU in stable condition without any distress and on room air. Deidre couldn’t believe how well she was doing for how small she was and knew then that she was such a warrior! Roman was placed on non-invasive ventilation for mild respiratory distress.
Deidre experienced elevated blood pressure following the delivery so she had to stay in recovery for 8 hours. She was finally able to meet the twins the next morning, but was only allowed to hold Reign at the time since Roman remained on non-invasive ventilation.
She stayed in the hospital for 3 days and held Reign as much as her body could handle. Neither baby was able to breastfeed due to being premature, but Deidre felt a significant amount of pressure to pump. She completely understood the importance of the “liquid gold”, but her body was not producing breast milk well. She mentions this because it was the introduction of the “mom guilt” that she felt throughout the babies’ NICU stay. Despite the NICU team telling her that it was not her fault, she continued to feel this way.
Also, at this point, Deidre admits that she was naive and thought that the babies were going to come home with her when she was discharged. She did not fully understand the level of Roman’s complications and Reign’s size. Because of this, she wants to emphasize how important it is to lean on the NICU staff to get information as they are the ones closest to your baby or babies around the clock.
She also shares her desire for all NICUs to have complimentary NICU journals to help parents keep track of all of the information. It is a lot to expect new parents, after a delivery, and NICU admission to remember everything. She loves the journal we created at Empowering NICU Parents, Our NICU Roadmap, as it is filled with incredible knowledge on the equipment in the NICU, inspirational quotes, detailed glossary, pages to journal, questions to ask the NICU team, plus so much more!
Going Home Without Your Babies
Deidre remembers a particular moment very clearly as she was getting discharged, but her babies remained in the NICU. She was packing up the hospital room and she pulled out the twins’ “going home outfits” which were customized and had the twins’ names on them. As her husband took their luggage to the car, she was sitting in the room alone and felt a big sigh of relief as she thought the hardest part was over. After all, they had already endured a long fertility struggle, a twin pregnancy, and a preterm delivery.
Just when Deidre started to feel at ease about going home, she heard a woman next door yell, “the photographer is here!” which completely broke her. The newborn photographer was there to take pictures of the couple and their baby next door. It was in that exact moment that she realized that the hardest part of their journey was just beginning. After that experience, she strongly suggests that hospitals consider having a separate recovery section for parents who either have experienced a loss or have babies in the NICU.
Once she was discharged, Roman remained on respiratory support. The next day they came back to see the twins, the doctor pulled her aside and said that during the night, they administered emergency Surfactant. At the time, Deidre thought that was great as she did not understand what that entirely meant until months later they received an insurance bill which listed the procedure as a “form of resuscitation.”
From then on, Deidre said that every day traveling to the NICU felt like Groundhog’s Day with the same routine over 25 days. She continued to get a lot of pressure about pumping day and night which made her feel incredibly guilty that she could not bring hardly any milk in.
A few days before the twins were discharged, Deidre was holding Reign and she collapsed. After a visit to the emergency department, they diagnosed her with bacterial pneumonia. She had to be admitted for one night and was unable to see the twins which made her feel terrible adding to the already present maternal guilt.
Life at home with multiples
Reign and Roman were discharged on the same day after spending 25 days in the NICU. As Deidre looked back on the twins’ first year, she shared with any other parents of multiples that you will likely be in “survival mode” and that it takes a village. She encourages parents to not feel guilty if you need to take a break. She and her husband have learned that when it comes to parenting multiples that it is not always 50/50. It has benefited their marriage to allow one another to take breaks, without any questions asked.
For parents that may anticipate having multiples, ensure that you have excellent health insurance coverage and that you deliver at a highly rated NICU facility. For couples facing infertility, she encourages you to not get too caught up in the online forums. Some she found very discouraging and others spread a lot of misinformation. She states that there is societal pressure for “family building” to look a certain way, but we must all realize and embrace that there are many different paths to parenthood. What may work for one person may not for another. Lastly, she reminds parents of multiples that milestones for multiples are not always the same when compared to singletons. Additionally, the twins themselves will experience different milestones at different times. Roman is starting to walk, while Reign is starting to talk. So they as a family celebrate the small wins just like they did in the NICU.
Postpartum Journey and an Update on the Twins
Reign and Roman just turned one in March! They are both growing and progressing as expected! Reign remains their little warrior. She is only 16 lbs, but she can definitely hold her own when playing with her brother.
Deidre admits that she is still very much on a healing journey after their NICU experience. She struggled some in the months after the twins came home, but now she loves to connect with other people who have gone through the same experience, whether it be parents of multiples or NICU parents. She finds it very refreshing to have open conversations about their own personal experiences.
Closing
Thank you so much to Deidre for openly sharing her personal experience. From grappling with infertility to the emotional rollercoaster of a twin pregnancy, and the unexpected twists and turns of their NICU journey. We have felt her joy, her fears, and her resilience as a NICU parent and mother of twins. Deidre’s story is a testament to the strength and endurance of families facing similar challenges. Remember, whether you’re navigating infertility challenges, anticipating the arrival of multiples, have multiples at home, or supporting a loved one through the NICU, you’re not alone. Join us next time for more inspiring stories, empowering conversations, and educational content on the Empowering NICU Parents’ Podcast. Until then, stay strong and lean on your NICU community, multiple birth community, friends, and family. You’ve got this!
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