Forced Apart: A NICU Family’s Heartbreaking Reality

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Introduction

Welcome to the Empowering NICU Parents’ Podcast!

Our podcast is dedicated to supporting, educating, and empowering parents navigating the challenges of having a baby in the NICU.

Today’s episode is one that will stay with you long after you’ve read or listened to it.

Imagine giving birth to two beautiful twin boys—tiny, but strong. Then, just days later, you’re forced to make an impossible choice.

Jodie Marks and her husband, Steve, welcomed their sons, Henry and Adam, into the world in March 2020. It should have been a time filled with hope, bonding, and love. But instead, Jodie and Steve were forced apart. A global pandemic, hospital restrictions, and a devastating diagnosis turned their NICU journey into something no parent should ever have to endure.

Suddenly, as parents, they had to make an unthinkable choice—which baby would they each “choose” to stay with? Jodie shares her raw and unfiltered story—the unimaginable decisions, the painful separation, and the moment when suddenly, the restrictions that had kept them apart no longer applied.

This episode is raw, emotional, and necessary. Whether you’re a parent, a healthcare professional, or simply someone who cares about the well-being of families, Jodie’s story will stay with you.

Her words serve as both a painful reminder of what families endured during the pandemic and an inspiration to push for better policies in the future. No parent should ever have to fight for the right to be with their child. 

Keep reading for Jodie’s full story.

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Episode 65

How I Learned About Jodie’s Story

I first came across Jodie’s experience while a colleague and I were researching the impact of COVID-19 hospital restrictions on NICU families. As I read through the quotes from  parents who had been forced to make impossible choices, Jodie’s words stopped me in my tracks. Her gut-wrenching words immediately brought tears to my eyes. 

Jodie’s quote became one of the voices I could not forget. Her words were among those we shared at conferences when advocating for change, and on this most recent episode, I had the privilege of speaking with her as she shared her story in her own voice.

Jodie’s journey began in August 2019 when she found out she was pregnant with identical twin boys. She was carrying MCDA twins (Monochorionic diamniotic) or identical twins who share a placenta but have separate amniotic sacs. Despite the risks that come with carrying MCDA twins, her pregnancy was relatively smooth—until an unexpected turn at 33 4/7 weeks that changed everything.

In the early hours of March 23, 2020, Jodie woke up to find some bleeding. Though initially unsure if it was anything serious, she and her husband, Steve, decided to go to the hospital in Leeds—just in case. By the time they arrived, she was three centimeters dilated, experiencing labor in her back rather than through traditional contractions. Within hours, she was in active labor, and her boys were about to enter the world much sooner than expected.

Jodie delivered Henry and Adam via forceps-assisted vaginal birth. The boys were immediately taken to the neonatal unit, something she had been prepared for given their early arrival. But nothing could have prepared her for what it would feel like to step into the NICU for the first time.

Walking into the NICU for the First Time

Jodie was in a complete bubble of happiness after giving birth to Henry and Adam. Despite the whirlwind of the last several hours, she felt elated, overjoyed, and incredibly proud of her boys. Even knowing they would need time in the NICU, nothing could take away the joy of their arrival.

Then, she was taken down to neonatal, and the reality of their journey truly set in.

“I don’t think anything can prepare you for neonatal,” Jodie recalls. “I don’t think any amount of TV programs you watch or anything like that prepares you for the sounds, for the—yeah, just seeing these tiny little humans in incubators.“

The unfamiliar sounds of alarms and monitors filled the space as Jodie looked around. It was a world unlike any she had experienced before.

Still, she remained in that bubble of joy. Her boys were here. And no matter what came next, she was ready to be there for them.

A Birth in the Shadow of a Pandemic

Jodie and Steve welcomed their boys into the world on March 23, 2020—a date that, for most of the UK, would become synonymous with uncertainty, fear, and isolation.

That very evening, at 5 p.m., UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson addressed the nation, announcing a full COVID-19 lockdown. Businesses shuttered, streets emptied, and hospitals braced for an unprecedented crisis.

For Jodie and Steve, however, their focus wasn’t on the outside world. Their attention was solely on their newborn sons, navigating the NICU experience as first-time parents. In those first few hours, nothing else mattered.

Despite being born prematurely at 33 4/7 weeks’ gestation, Henry and Adam were doing remarkably well. After just two days in Leeds’ high-level NICU, the doctors determined that the boys no longer needed intensive care and could be transferred to a lower-acuity unit in  Harrogate. 

For those first days, Jodie and Steve leaned on each other as they adjusted to life in the NICU, focusing on celebrating the small victories—every stable breath, every slight weight gain, every moment spent together as a family.

At this point, the lockdown did not drastically impact Jodie and Steve’s routine. Their lives revolved around the NICU—they would spend their entire day at the hospital, eating all their meals there, and then drive home each night to sleep, only to return early the next morning. In a way, it felt like they existed in their own little bubble, separate from the panic and restrictions unfolding across the country.

But just as they were settling into this new rhythm, everything changed. 

An Unexpected Transfer Back to Leeds

On March 26, just days after arriving at Harrogate, Henry suddenly deteriorated overnight.

The nurses noted that he had some emesis on his vest and as they went to change his nappy, they discovered blood. The medical team recognized this as a potential indication of necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC), a serious condition that can affect the intestines of premature babies and often requires urgent medical intervention.

The team at Harrogate quickly determined that Henry needed more intensive care than their facility could provide. He was quickly prepared to transfer back to Leeds. Jodie and Steve arrived just in time before he was transferred. They had no idea that the reality of the pandemic was about to impact several decisions over the next few days. 

While parents were typically allowed to ride in the ambulance with their infant, COVID-19 protocols now prohibited it. As the team prepared Henry for transfer back to Leeds, Jodie and Steve were faced with an impossible decision—what should they do next?

With one baby needing urgent care in Leeds and the other still requiring support at Harrogate, they had to quickly figure out how to be there for both of their sons.

As Jodie recalls, “Steve said, ‘Right, I’ll follow Henry, figure out what’s going on there. You pump, sort yourself out, get Adam sorted, and then I’ll come back for you and we’ll go to Leeds together.‘” It was a heartbreaking plan, but the only one that made sense. 

The boys had been moved to Harrogate because they were thriving—but now, in just a matter of hours, everything had changed.

COVID Restrictions Force an Impossible Choice

As Jodie and Steve were grappling with Henry’s uncertain condition, they were also dealing with the ever-changing and inconsistent hospital restrictions due to the pandemic.

One night, they were able to visit Henry together, standing side by side at his bedside, offering him comfort in the best way they could. But the very next night, they were told that only one parent could be in the room at a time.

“It made no sense,” Jodie recalls. “When one of us wasn’t with Henry, we were together in a side room anyway. What difference did it make?”

Despite their confusion and frustration, they complied—taking turns being with Henry, FaceTiming each other from within the same hospital, all while their baby was fighting for his life.

Then, in another turn of events, when the medical team needed to discuss Henry’s upcoming surgery, Jodie and Steve were suddenly allowed to be together again. 

“It was completely inconsistent. One night, we weren’t allowed to be in the room together, but when they needed to tell us he needed surgery, it was okay for us both to be there?”

It was a painful contradiction—one that highlighted just how illogical the policies were. The uncertainty of not knowing what to expect from one day to the next made an already devastating situation even worse.

Just as they were trying to process everything happening to Henry, a nurse approached them with a piece of paper. It was an official hospital notice stating that, starting the next day, only one parent would be allowed to visit the NICU at all.

Jodie remembers completely losing it.

“I am a really calm person, especially in stressful situations, but I lost it. I just couldn’t believe what I was reading. I turned to the nurse and said, ‘You’re asking me to choose between my sons? How can I do that? How is that even something I should have to think about?’”

At that moment, everything became even more impossible. Henry was undergoing a critical surgery, and Adam still needed NICU care at Harrogate. Now, instead of focusing solely on their sons’ health, Jodie and Steve were forced to make a gut-wrenching decision—which baby would they each “choose” to stay with?

They discussed their options. Henry was on full IV support and wouldn’t be receiving any breast milk for the time being. After learning about a potential link between formula and necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC), Jodie was terrified of Adam becoming sick as well and felt an overwhelming urgency to continue pumping, expressing, and attempting to breastfeed—doing everything in her power to protect him.

“We made the decision that I would stay with Adam and keep pumping for him, and Steve would stay with Henry. It was the only thing that made sense. But that didn’t make it any easier.”

Jodie had to drive back to Harrogate that evening, knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold Henry’s had to comfort him, to physically be there for him after his surgery. Instead, she had to rely on Steve’s updates and FaceTime calls to feel connected to her son.

The separation was devastating.

What should have been a time of unity and support as a family became a time of forced distance and impossible decisions—decisions that no parent should ever have to make.

Henry’s Fight: His Last Few Days

After Henry underwent surgery they were not able to fully close him up right away. They wanted to give him a few days to recover before completing the procedure.

Jodie and Steve remained hopeful. Henry was sedated and on strong pain relief, and while they knew he had a long road ahead, they held onto hope that he would recover.

Steve stayed by Henry’s side while Jodie remained with Adam at Harrogate, doing everything she could to continue pumping and expressing for him. They relied on FaceTime calls to stay connected, with Jodie watching her son through a screen, unable to touch him.

Then, Henry’s temperature spiked, and the care team worked to manage it. They reassured Jodie and Steve that they had it covered, but as his temperature continued to fluctuate—Steve decided to go back to the hospital to be with Henry at 4 a.m.

Steve asked if Jodie could come too, but at that moment, the unit stuck to its firm restrictions and did not budge—only one parent was allowed at the bedside.

Despite it being so early, Jodie decided to go ahead and drive to Harrogate to be with Adam. As Jodie sat at Harrogate, she was overwhelmed with guilt, feeling like she should be at Leeds with Henry. Then, at 6:30 a.m., Steve called and said, “They said I could come in.”

Panic set in as she questioned why the restrictions had changed. “Why are they letting me come in? What’s happening?” Steve reassured her that Henry wasn’t great, but he was okay. Still, Jodie couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. She immediately knew what that meant. Jodie recalls, “I honestly cannot tell you how I got there.”

Holding Henry in His Final Moments

Jodie drove straight to Leeds, and recalls “I honestly cannot tell you how I got there.”

When she arrived at the NICU, she and Steve were finally allowed to be together with Henry. The same hospital that had separated them for days now let them sit side by side—but why now?

Then Jodie overheard a doctor say the word “sepsis.”

“That was the first time I really knew. I remember turning to Steve and saying, ‘Steve, sepsis is not good. This is not good.’”

As the consultant came over and placed a hand on her shoulder and said, “I’m so sorry. We’ve done everything we can,” Jodie felt herself slip into an out-of-body experience. The weight of those words hit her like a force she couldn’t control, and she let out a primal sound—raw, guttural, a mother’s grief escaping in a way words never could.

Then, they asked if she wanted to hold him.

“I wasn’t going to let him die in an incubator. He needed to be with his mum.” Jodie knew, deep in her soul, that she had to be the one holding him. Even in that moment, a part of her believed, “I can save you. I’m your mum. I can, I can save you.” But as she cradled him, feeling his tiny body in her arms, she had to face the impossible—she couldn’t.

A nurse manually ventilated him with a bag as Jodie cradled Henry close. Then, she had to do the unthinkable.

“I had to say, ‘You can stop now.’ And she didn’t hear me the first time, so I had to say it again.”

At 9:30 a.m. on March 29, 2020, Henry passed away in his mother’s arms.

When the Rules No Longer Applied

Everything after that became a blur. The moments stretched and collapsed in on themselves, time feeling both agonizingly slow and cruelly fast. She and Steve sat with Henry, trying to absorb every last second they had left.

And then, just like that, the rules changed.

For days, their families had been barred from visiting, unable to meet Henry while he was alive. But once he was gone, suddenly, they were allowed in. For the first time, they were able to see and hold Henry—but only after it was too late.

The inconsistency and cruelty of the restrictions left Jodie reeling. Why did her son have to die for them to be allowed in to meet him? Why now, when he was already gone? The arbitrary nature of the rules was something she would never understand—and never forget.

Follow Jodie Marks

https://www.instagram.com/_mumdiariesuk

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Closing

Jodie and Steve’s story is one of love, heartbreak, and the devastating consequences of being separated from their child when every moment mattered.

For days, the hospital enforced strict rules—rules that kept Jodie from holding Henry, allowing him to hear her voice, and from being by his side when he needed her most. But in the end, those same rules suddenly no longer applied.

Not because the pandemic was over. Not because the risk had changed.

But because Henry was gone.

Parents and their infants should never be separated due to restrictions or policies that lack a solid foundation and, most importantly, disregard the natural need for an infant to be with their parents.

Parents are the very people who love that child more than anyone. It is vital that they remain together.

Jodie and Steve still live with not only the heartbreak of losing Henry, but the weight of the impossible choices they were forced to make—choices no parent should ever have to face. As we were recording, as I edited, and even now as I sit here writing about it, it breaks my heart to hear Jodie say it—to hear the anguish in her voice, the pain that never should have been theirs to bear.

This is a call for change.

Let’s honor Henry’s life by making sure no family is ever torn apart by policies that fail to see the humanity in their pain. Because a NICU baby’s greatest therapy is their parents—their touch, their voice, their presence. Nothing can replace that. And nothing should ever take it away.

I want to thank Jodie from the bottom of my heart for sharing her experience with us. Her strength in telling Henry’s story is powerful, and I truly believe that her voice will make a difference.

As we continue to push for an end to parental separation in the NICU, pediatrics, and PICU, I promise—I will not stop trying.

If you want to help make an impact, please comment, share, or reach out to us. Together, we can ensure that no parent is ever forced to make these impossible choices again. 

Join Us for Part 2

Join us for Part 2 as we continue to hear from Jodie. She opens up about how they carried on after that devastating day—individually, as a couple, and as a family.

We’ll hear about Adam’s journey and how their sweet Rosie quickly became part of their story. With raw honesty, Jodie shares how the trauma of the NICU, the restrictions, the forced decisions, and the heartbreak of losing Henry have impacted her.

She takes us through her ongoing journey of healing, the struggles she continues to work through, and most importantly, how she is now using her experience to help other families facing similar battles.

💜 You won’t want to miss this powerful and inspiring continuation of their story.

And as always, please consider sharing this episode with someone who may gain some value from it! remember—together, we are stronger!

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Remember, once empowered with knowledge, you have the ability to change the course.