Introduction
Welcome to the Empowering NICU Parents’ Podcast!
Our podcast is dedicated to supporting, educating, and empowering parents navigating the challenges of having a baby in the NICU.
In this episode, Martha Sharkey shares how her family’s journey began with an unexpected delivery at 23 weeks and how that moment reshaped her understanding of parenthood, grief, and hope. She reflects on the moments that remain etched into her family’s story more than 15 years later, including the loss of her daughter Mary and the uncertainty surrounding her surviving twin, Claire.
Martha speaks openly about how love, life lessons, and loss have continued to change shape over time and how those experiences eventually led her and her husband, Paul, to create Today Is a Good Day, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting NICU families. Throughout the conversation, Martha also offers insight for families currently navigating the NICU and shares perspective for those who may be considering starting a nonprofit as a way to give back after their own journey.
The Why Behind Empowering NICU Parents – Empowering NICU Parents' Podcast
- The Why Behind Empowering NICU Parents
- From NICU Experience to Nonprofit Mission: A Family’s Journey to Today Is a Good Day
- The Lifelong Journey and Impact of Premature Birth: What Families Should Know
- Wave of Light: Finding Light After Loss
- Culture, Belief, and a Committed Team: The University of Iowa NICU Redefines What’s Possible
Episode Sponsors
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Our NICU Roadmap
Our NICU Roadmap is the only NICU journal parents will need. Our journal is a great resource for NICU parents with educational content, answers to many of their questions, a full glossary plus specific areas to document their baby’s progress each day while in the NICU. Our NICU Roadmap equips parents with questions to ask their baby’s care team each day as well as a designated place to keep track of their baby’s weight, lab values, respiratory settings, feedings, and the plan of care each day. Most importantly, Our NICU Roadmap guides parents and empowers them so they can confidently become and remain an active member of their baby’s care team.
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Episode 78
Our Guest
Martha Sharkey
Martha Sharkey is the Founder & CEO of Today is a Good Day, a non-profit providing hope and building community through personal and financial support for families who experience the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Martha and her husband, Paul, founded Today is a Good Day in honor of their daughter, Claire, and in memory of their daughter, Mary. They welcomed their identical twin girls at just 23 weeks and 5 days on November 14, 2010.
Following their extended stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), the Sharkeys recognized a gap in care for parents and families navigating the NICU journey. They founded Today is a Good Day to fill that gap to support families. Martha is passionate about helping communities and people grow and persevere, especially during challenging times.
Prior to focusing fully on advancing the mission of Today is a Good Day, Martha served in several non-profit leadership roles. She has over 20 years of experience in the non-profit sector, including event management and fundraising. Martha lives in Wyndmoor, Pennsylvania with Paul and their daughters, Claire and Martha Rose.
Martha’s Background and Story
Martha grew up in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania and now lives outside the Philadelphia region. Her professional background has always been in the nonprofit sector, which she believes prepared her for the work she would later do leading her family’s organization, Today Is a Good Day. She reflects that her earlier nonprofit experience helped guide her into running the organization they founded more than eleven years ago.
A High Risk Pregnancy
Martha learned she was pregnant in July of 2010 and soon found out she was expecting identical twin girls. Their due date was March 8, 2011. She and her husband met with maternal fetal medicine specialists and learned about the risks associated with identical twin pregnancies. At the time, they did not realize how significantly those risks would impact their family. On November 9, 2010, while at work, Martha felt something was not right. After calling her doctor, she was advised to come in and was admitted to the hospital at 23 weeks and zero days gestation.
The Day Their Journey Changed
While on bed rest, Martha and her husband hoped she would remain pregnant through Thanksgiving and into the new year. Instead, their daughters were born just five days later. Claire weighed one pound, two ounces and Mary weighed one pound, four ounces.
With no prior exposure to the NICU among family or friends, they were suddenly immersed in an unfamiliar and overwhelming environment. Martha describes how they asked many questions and began documenting their experience in a journal that started as a pregnancy journal and became their NICU journal.
The First Moments and the Powerful Role of Nurses
During the rush to the operating room, Paul was left alone in a white hallway with a chair, where he dropped to his knees in prayer. A nurse named Kathy came to him, lifted him up, and told him it was time to meet his daughters. Another nurse later shared that she had never truly understood shock until she saw Paul walk into the operating room.
She also remembers a nurse urging Paul to touch his babies, understanding that those first moments mattered because no one knew how much time they would have with their girls or what the next hours would bring. She emphasizes how nurses helped them begin their role as parents in the middle of chaos, guiding them into their daughters’ care and teaching them early skills such as mouth care so they could feel like part of the care team.
Claire’s Initial NICU Days
In the first days after birth, Claire’s condition quickly became more fragile. By day three of life, her weight had dropped from one pound, two ounces to just fifteen ounces. She was diagnosed with meningitis and anemia and was found to have significant brain bleeds. Martha shares that Claire had been the weaker twin from the beginning, and these early complications confirmed how vulnerable she truly was. The family learned the full extent of her brain bleeds on day three of life, a moment that would shape much of their fear and uncertainty in the weeks ahead.
Martha recalls documenting that day in their journal with the words “devastating prognosis.” They were told there was a high probability that Claire would experience serious deficits and that her future might include not walking or not talking. At that point, there were no clear answers about what her life would look like. Each head ultrasound and follow-up exam brought a new wave of anxiety, as they waited to see whether the bleeding in her brain had worsened, improved, or caused additional damage. The unknowns became overwhelming, and planning ahead felt impossible. Instead, their world narrowed to waiting for results, listening for updates, and trying to hold onto hope without knowing what the next day—or even the next hour—might bring
The Loss of Mary
Mary began to decline around Thanksgiving, and Martha describes those days as filled with difficult conversations and painful decisions. The medical team shared that Mary was on maximum medical support and that they believed her intestines may not have been fully formed because she had been born so prematurely. As her condition worsened, it became clear that Mary was losing her fight.
Martha and Paul spent that Sunday knowing what was coming. They held Mary as she passed away at 2:15 in the afternoon, and she extubated herself while they were holding her. In those final moments, they were able to be with her, to feel her in their arms, and to say goodbye. A photographer was brought in to capture images of Mary, and one of the nurses gave them a Christmas ornament with her name on it — an angel sitting on a cloud reading a book. That small gesture became something they would carry with them long after leaving the hospital.
Looking back, Martha reflects on how bereavement care has changed since then. At the time, the nurses and medical team were doing the best they could with what they knew. Today, she sees hospitals placing more emphasis on memory making and supporting families through loss in more intentional and individualized ways. Even so, the pain of losing Mary has remained a defining part of their story — one that has shaped their family, their perspective, and the way they move through the world. Mary’s life, though brief, continues to hold meaning in their family’s journey and in the work Martha and Paul would one day build to support other parents walking similar paths.
Parenting Through Grief and Uncertainty
After Mary’s death, Claire continued to fight for her life, and Martha and Paul found themselves trying to balance between grief and the possibility of hope. They had just said goodbye to one daughter while still needing to show up every day and fight for the other. Martha shares that they did not hold Claire for the first time until a week after Mary died, a moment that carried both fear and tenderness. Holding Claire meant leaning back into hope while still sitting inside the shock of loss.
At home, the nursery remained a painful reminder of what they had expected their family to look like. Two cribs still stood in the room, and Martha remembers telling Paul that one of them had to be removed. Around that same time, a rug they had ordered for the girls’ nursery arrived — pink and green, plush, and still rolled tightly in its packaging. Martha decided she would not put the rug down until a doctor told her Claire was coming home. It became a quiet promise to herself, a way of protecting her heart while still allowing space for the possibility of good news.
Living in this space between grief and uncertainty required them to take each day as it came. They could not plan far ahead, and they could not imagine what life would look like beyond the NICU walls. Instead, their focus became survival — getting through rounds, waiting for test results, and learning how to care for Claire while carrying the weight of Mary’s absence. Parenting Claire after losing Mary meant learning how to love fiercely without knowing the outcome, and how to keep moving forward even when their family had already been forever changed.
Key Takeaways From Their Time in the NICU
Martha explains that the only way they survived their NICU journey was by learning to live one day at a time — and sometimes one minute at a time. Three weeks into their stay, a friend gave her a bracelet engraved with the words “one day at a time,” and she still wears it every day. In a world where nothing felt predictable and every update carried weight, that phrase became an anchor. It gave them permission to stop trying to control the future and instead focus on simply getting through the present moment.
One of the most pivotal moments came when Martha asked a neonatologist what Claire’s future would look like and what she would be able to do. She was searching for certainty, for a plan, for something solid to hold onto in a world that felt completely unpredictable. Instead of offering a list of outcomes or limitations, he looked at her and said, “Martha, she’s going to be the best Claire that she can be.”
That simple sentence changed everything. It shifted their focus away from fear-based predictions and toward seeing their daughter as a whole person rather than a collection of possible diagnoses or deficits. Rather than measuring Claire against charts or comparisons, it invited them to meet her exactly where she was and allow her story to unfold in its own way. Martha says that moment taught them that every child’s “best” looks different, and that comparison only takes away the ability to truly see and celebrate your own child for who they are becoming.ruly is.
After learning about Claire’s brain bleeds, Martha turned to the internet for answers and found stories that were devastating and overwhelming. For several days, she absorbed those narratives, until she realized that none of them were Claire’s story. In that moment, she made a conscious decision to close her laptop and stop searching for certainty in places that could not give it to her. Instead, she chose to trust her daughter’s path and lean into the people who actually knew Claire — her care team. From then on, her focus became asking questions, listening closely, and believing that Claire would write her own story.
Together, these lessons became the foundation of how they endured the NICU: taking each day as it came, believing in who their child could become rather than what she might not be, and trusting that her journey did not have to match anyone else’s. Those truths carried them through the uncertainty then, and they continue to shape how Martha understands hope, parenting, and the meaning of resilience today.
The Early Building Blocks of Today Is a Good Day
After Claire spent 103 days in the NICU, Martha remembers that the staff practically had to “kick them out” when it was time to go home. Even then, she and Paul knew they wanted to give back in some way, though they were not yet ready to build something formal. About eighteen months later, they began bringing Claire back to the NICU with pizza lunches for families. This idea was inspired by another mother who had done the same during their stay, and seeing a former 23-weeker return to the unit had given them hope when they needed it most. Bringing Claire back allowed other families to see what survival and growth could look like after extreme prematurity.
During this time, they also became involved with the March of Dimes, an organization Martha credits with contributing to Claire’s ability to see after laser eye surgery in the NICU. Through these early efforts, Martha and Paul began to recognize how much families needed connection and encouragement during their NICU stays. They also formed meaningful relationships with other parents who had experienced loss, including another couple whose daughter died shortly after Mary and whose surviving twin graduated from the NICU just one day after Claire. Those shared experiences deepened their understanding of the power of community and mutual support.
Martha explains that they waited four and a half years before officially launching Today Is a Good Day. She encourages others to take time before starting an organization, noting that emotions run high in the early years and burnout can come quickly. What began as informal acts of kindness and support eventually grew into a nonprofit rooted in compassion, connection, and shared experience. With the help of close friends, including one who initiated their first fundraiser and became a founding board member, Martha and Paul formally created Today Is a Good Day in 2014.
How Today is A Good Day Supports Families
The organization started with one hospital and has since expanded to serve families at 23 hospitals across seven states, carrying forward the same purpose that first brought them back to the NICU: to help families feel seen, supported, and less alone. Martha explains that Today Is a Good Day was created to work in partnership with hospitals and health systems so that families receive emotional and practical support alongside the medical care their babies are already receiving. Their model is built around being present with families, not replacing the medical team but walking alongside them during an incredibly vulnerable time. In many hospitals, this includes NICU family advocates who go bedside, particularly throughout the Philadelphia region, to offer connection, guidance, and reassurance to parents who may feel overwhelmed or alone.
Beyond bedside support, Martha shares that the organization provides NICU comfort and care packages to families across the country. These packages are designed to reach parents early in their journey and serve as a bridge to ongoing support, offering not only tangible items but also access to virtual resources. Through these connections, families are invited into a broader community where they can hear from others who understand the NICU experience firsthand.
Martha also describes the wide range of virtual resources Today Is a Good Day offers to meet families wherever they are. This includes their podcast, mindfulness and stress-reduction tools, weekly educational sessions to help parents navigate the NICU, and a collection of NICU miracle stories that allow families to see what is possible beyond the hospital walls. Families can also connect through a NICU miracle parent network on Facebook, virtual coffee and conversation gatherings, and a dedicated NICU dads group. These spaces are meant to reduce isolation and remind parents that they are not walking this road alone.
At the heart of all of these efforts, Martha emphasizes that the mission is rooted in connection and hope. Whether through a bedside visit, a care package, or a virtual conversation, Today Is a Good Day exists to make families feel seen, supported, and understood during some of the hardest moments of their lives. The organization’s work reflects the belief that small acts of care, shared stories, and human connection can make an enormous difference when families are navigating fear, uncertainty, and exhaustion.
Advocacy Tools and Collaboration
Martha shares that one of the most meaningful collaborations to come from Today Is a Good Day is the advocacy checklist created in partnership with NICU Alumni and AngelEye Health. This tool grew out of a shared belief that parents should feel empowered to be part of their baby’s care team, especially during a time when the NICU can feel intimidating, overwhelming, and unfamiliar. Martha explains that many parents enter the NICU feeling hands-off and unsure of what questions to ask or how to engage with a medical team that speaks a language they are still learning.
The advocacy checklist is designed to give parents a starting point — a set of questions and conversation prompts that help them better understand their baby’s care and feel more confident participating in decisions. Rather than assuming parents will know what to ask, the tool acknowledges how difficult it can be to think clearly when emotions are high and exhaustion is constant. By offering guidance in advance, it helps families feel less frozen by fear and more able to step into their role as advocates.
Martha emphasizes that the checklist is not meant to replace conversations with the care team, but to strengthen them. It encourages parents to ask questions, to seek clarity when something does not make sense, and to recognize that their voice matters. Through this collaboration, Today Is a Good Day, NICU Alumni, and AngelEye Health combined their shared experience and perspective to create something practical and accessible — a tool rooted in lived experience and designed to help families feel informed, supported, and empowered during one of the most vulnerable seasons of their lives. The advocacy checklist is available on AngelEye Health’s website.
Growing Their Family Through Love and Loss
After Claire and Mary, Martha and Paul welcomed their daughter, Martha Rose, in 2015. She was born full term and came home after just three days in the hospital, an experience that felt completely foreign after their long NICU stay with Claire. Martha shares that they almost did not know what to do with a baby who came home so quickly. Her arrival brought a different chapter of parenting for their family, one marked by normalcy they had not previously known.
In 2018, Martha became pregnant again and learned at 14 weeks that their son, William, had trisomy 18, a devastating chromosomal condition. Doctors shared that if he made it to birth, he would not survive long after delivery. Martha carried William until 34 weeks, describing that season as one of the hardest chapters of her life. She speaks about the emotional weight of carrying a child she knew she would lose, while still navigating daily life and questions from others about her pregnancy.
When William was born, the family had about 91 minutes with him. During that time, they focused on making memories. Claire and Martha Rose sang to him and read books to him. Martha describes how those moments, though deeply painful, were also filled with meaning. The medical team helped create handprints and a plaster cast of William’s legs, and despite the sadness of the day, there was also unexpected laughter as the team worked together to make the cast.
Remembering Mary and William
Martha explains that their family has always been open about loss with their daughters. When she was pregnant with William, they talked with Claire and Martha Rose about what was happening and explained that their baby brother would go be with Mary after he died. She shares that there is no single right way to talk about loss, and that every family finds its own path through grief. For their family, honesty and inclusion became a way to honor their children and keep them part of everyday life rather than something hidden or avoided.
In their home, Mary and William remain present through photographs and shared stories. Over time, the way the family honors Mary has evolved. Early on, Claire and Mary’s birthday was marked together. As Claire has grown older, the focus has shifted to celebrating her while still honoring Mary in small but meaningful ways, such as placing a pink rose on her birthday cake. Each child has a rose color that represents them: Claire is yellow, Mary is pink, Martha Rose is white, and William is red.
Martha also reflects on how the way they talk about their children has changed over time. Sometimes she has shared her full story with strangers, and other times she has chosen to keep it brief. Today, when asked how many children they have, Martha and Paul say they have four children — two are here with us, and two are keeping watch from above. For their family, this language allows them to honor all of their children while also making space for connection and understanding with others who may carry their own stories of loss.
Claire Today
Claire is now a teenager and recently began high school. She is active in musical theater, choir, and drama and sings at church as a cantor. Martha believes her love of singing may be connected to how much she sang to Claire in the NICU. Due to coordination challenges related to her brain bleeds, Claire does not play sports, but she participates in activities that fit her strengths, including dance and fitness classes. Martha says their focus is on helping Claire feel successful in the things she enjoys.
Martha’s Message About Hope
Martha shares that one of the most important lessons she has learned is that hope does not disappear, but it does change. A close friend of hers, who is a bereavement nurse manager, taught her that hope has to evolve. In the NICU, hope may look like survival. Later, it may look like milestones. And at other times, it may simply look like getting through the day. Allowing hope to change shape became essential to how her family moved forward through both grief and uncertainty.
Closing
Martha, thank you again for joining me and for sharing your deeply personal story with our listeners and with me. Thank you for trusting us with not only the hardest moments of your journey, but also the perspective and insight you’ve gained along the way.
What stands out most from this conversation is how profoundly life can change in an instant — and how those experiences can continue to shape who we become over time. From navigating extreme prematurity and loss to building a family and creating Today Is a Good Day, Martha’s story shows how lived experience can grow into purpose and into something that supports others walking similar paths.
I especially appreciate Martha’s reminder that our children will each be the best version of themselves. That mindset is so grounding — not only for NICU parents, but for all parents trying to navigate uncertainty without a roadmap.
If you’re listening and you’re in the NICU right now, I want you to know this: you don’t have to have everything figured out. Ask the questions. Use the support around you. And take things one day at a time.
And if you are carrying grief alongside love — whether from the NICU, pregnancy loss, or child loss — your story matters. The way you remember and honor your child matters, and there is no single right way to hold that experience.
I encourage you to check out Today Is a Good Day and the many resources Martha and her team provide for NICU families, both in the hospital and beyond.
Also, be sure to check out the NICU Parent Quick Guide — a tool and checklist Martha and I talked about, created through a collaboration between Today Is a Good Day, NICU Alumni, and AngelEye Health.
Until next time, remember to keep going and take it one day at a time.
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